I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
