I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize