i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
And then he peed in my hair
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