I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just cropdusted the office
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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