remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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