I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
