I seem to have left my pride at pride
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
