you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
