i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
