I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
