Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
