You can't special order awesome
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
