I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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