I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
