FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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