im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
