Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if only i could text you this smell
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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