She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
