Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
