All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
