atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
