Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
