I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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