we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
