I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize