i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
