Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Congratulations! We have a period
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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