This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
