im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
