Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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