kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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