come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't deserve a penis
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
