i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize