this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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