So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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