I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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