Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your cock deserves a montage
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
