just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
