I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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