I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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