im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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