heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's official drugs can't kill me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
