WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
