I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
