She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
