I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
