my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
