And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
