You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
