Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize