OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
