just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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