i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
