No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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