I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
