i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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