watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
