I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
