Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
