Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
