wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
