i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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