Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize