Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
