I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
