I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
