I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
