I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
