I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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