ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
