i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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