i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He had one of those small greek statue penises
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
