So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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