You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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