member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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