just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
love makes seman taste better
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
