i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We left the knife in your bed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
