I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
