He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize