hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
