oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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