I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
