Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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