So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
