We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
