is your mom at the bar?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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