the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
