I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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