so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
