Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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