apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
